If you’re in Parodopolis and you’re a starving college student who’s grown sick of the squallid food in the dining commons, the best place to go is a local bar/restaurant called Grant’s Tavern. It’s known for cheap food, cheap drinks, and lenient carding standards. It’s also known as a popular spot for college students to hang out, hook up, and sometimes-- just sometimes-- study.
This is the first time Nitz the Bloody has been here, as he tends not to go to any place with more than one other person. He’s here to meet Nats and Uhuna, to get to know the two better before Nats rents out his room to him. He’s not exactly thrilled with the prospect, as he has to actually be social with someone other than his robotic girlfriend Joan. Who, it is worth adding, is also along for the outing.
“ Now remember, “ Nitz says to Joan as they walk to the tavern, “ You’re a 19-year-old PU student, and you just moved there from Quebec. “
” Affirmative, “ she nods.
” And I know you technically don’t need to eat, but you have to order something to keep up appearances. And try to constantly smile, make idle conversation, and speak in a normal human tone. And don’t say anything about your true nature at all costs. “
” Why all these precautions? From what you have told me, these people should be more open-minded towards our relationship. “
” So should my friends have been. Look at how that turned out. “
They enter the tavern and see Bill Reed and Uhunalara sitting at a table in the corner of the bar, barely visible to normal eyes amidst the evening crowd and the haze of tobacco smoke. Joan’s infra-red vision pinpoints them immediately, and she leads Nitz to the table.
“ Hey, Hello, Sit Down, and What the hell are you wearing, “ Bill demands silently. Nitz looks at himself, checking for any stains or smears on his wardrobe. His red leather coat is clean, his black rhino shirt is in order, and his boots are on tight. His helmet is firmly attached, as it always is.
“ This? This is how I always dress. “
“ Hello, “ Nats angrily whispered, “ Some of us have secret identities to maintain, identities which aren’t helped by our superheroic colleagues showing up in full costume... “
” Secret ID? “ Nitz rolls his eyes and blows a raspberry. “ What are you, twelve? “
” It’s a simple thing us PROFESSIONAL heroes worry about.... “
” Guys, “ Uhuna interjects loudly, “ We have not been properly introduced. You must be Nitz, I take it. It’s a pleasure to meet you. “ She extends her hand. Nitz shakes it, smiling.
Uhuna looks at Joan, picking up that she must be uncomfortable. “ And you must be....what is your name again? “
Joan forces a wide, artificial smile that looks as though she is storing a coat hanger in her mouth. “ I am Joan. Joan of Quebec. It is a pleasure to meet you. “ She shakes Uhuna’s hand, waving it up and down quickly. Her grip brings discomfort to the Abhuman princess.
“ So, “ Uhuna asks, “ What brings you to Parodopolis? I am here since I was ostracized from my society. “
” I am no outcast. I am a normal human being who merely decided to attend Parodopolis University. I am completely organic and normal, just like any other occupant of this fine eatery. “
Nitz starts sweating, and cracks an uneasy smile. “ She’s a computer science major. “, he weakly laughs. “ She’s got this funny way of analyzing things. “
Bill raises a single eyebrow. “ Right....so, what do you all want to order? Food here’s pretty cheap. “
” Just a soda for me, “ Nitz says. “ I’m on a budget. “
” I guess I’ll just have a hamburger, “ Bill replies.
“ I will order one of their salads, “ Uhuna states. “ Human society is so sensitive about the slightest bit of fat. And you, Joan? “
” I will have a complete seafood platter, with Cod and Crab and Shrimp and all manner of icthyoid. “
” Joan, “ Nitz murmurs, “ Ixnay on the oodfay ontopray... “
” Why, Nitz? My body cannot process fat. “
Nats and Uhuna emptily stare at Joan. Nitz widely grins and says in an overly loud voice, “ Incredible metabolism. She does a lot of aerobic exercize. “
” Right.... “ Bill states, with a blank look on his face.
A waiter comes by with an oddly shaped bottle. It is olive green, with glass-blown hands and feet, and two large googly eyes. A small sticker reading “ Vino “ is pasted onto it.
“ You’re Nitz, aren’t you! “, he shouts. “ Nitz the Bloody! You saved this place during the flying hippo incident! “
Nitz pauses, and reflects on the many adventures he’s had since he became the Priest of Zeku. “ Odd, I don’t remember any flying hippos... “
” You saved the whole freakin’ bar! “ the waiter beams, handing over the unusual bottle. “ This is on the house! “
“ Fine, but what is it? “
” It’s....uh....wine. “
” What KIND of wine? “
” Good wine. “
” Aren’t you supposed to card us? “
” Just take the damn wine! “
The waiter regains his composure and says, “ I’ll be along with the rest of your drinks. “ He leaves.
“ What IS this, “ Nitz asks, staring at the bottle.
“ It’s some kind of bottle, “ Bill explains. “ Looks ancient. “
“ Gee, I figured that out on my own. But why would he send it to us? “
He shrugs. ” Well, it’s free drinks, so we might as well open it. “ Nitz pops the cork. Everything fades away from his view, until he sees nothing. All he feels is the sensation of falling.
The next thing the party of four knows, they plummet and tumble into a large, dark space. Below them is black sand with several sharp rocks littering the floor. Purple mists billow through the space. Amidst them, a red wind blows, and spins in a circle, forming the image of a large red man with no hair except a pony tail, and no clothes except for long, puffy pants.
“ I am the mighty djinni ‘ J’afarrg! “ the red man shouts. “ I am trapping you in my bottle for all eternity! “
“ Where the hell did you take us, “ Nitz demands, clearing his head from the impact.
“ I am finishing just explaining your predicament! I am trapping you inside my bottle for all eternity, or until you starve to death! I am waiting to see which comes first! “
“ I am done with you! “ The djinni dissipates into the red wind, and blows upward into the sky, until it vanishes from view completely.
“ Okay, “ Nitz asks, “ Where are we again? “
” Are you deaf, “ Nats shouts. “ We’re trapped inside that bottle the waiter gave us. “
” Okay, okay......so we’re inside a bottle. How did we all fit inside? “
” Magic, I believe. Now the question is, how do we get out? “
” Guys, “ Uhuna asks, “ There is a problem. “
” Gee, “ Nitz states in a high, sarcastic voice, “ What gave that away! “
” Don’t you talk to her that way, “ Nats snaps.
“ Well excuuuuuuuse me if I’m a little upset that we’re trapped inside a @#$%ing bottle! “
” AHEM “ Uhuna coughs, “ It is with Joan. “
Nitz turns around to see Joan, splayed across the floor. A large, sharp rock bursts through her stomach, and her face is completely blank. She shows no signs of motion, and sparks fly from the insides of her wounds. Her eyes lose their watery sheen, and soon fade to pitch black.
“ JOAN! “ Nitz screams, “ Are you alright?! Say something! Say something, dammit! “
NEXT: The final fate of Joan, plus bottled up feelings emerge from Nats, Nitz, and Uhuna. Heheheheh. Bottled up. I made a funny.
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